Dear Quentin,

My mother-in-law, now in her mid-80s, has an addictive personality and is a very difficult person. Throughout my husband’s childhood, her addictions were alcohol and extramarital affairs. My husband saw her only a couple of days per week while growing up and essentially raised himself, since his now-deceased father was also an addict. She did eventually get sober, but then substituted shopping, gambling and eventually travel as new compulsions.

She has managed to squander all her finances through these unchecked compulsions. Now, she is facing homelessness and is looking to us – my husband and me – for a solution. She believes she is owed everything we have because she feels she was treated unfairly, and she blames me for her poor relationship with her son and our grandchildren.

We are contemplating buying her a house, but I am hesitant. She is manipulative and has a history of making poor financial decisions. If we buy her a house, will she simply find another way to squander her inheritance or whatever financial security we provide?

What should we do? We don’t want to see her homeless, but we also don’t want to enable her destructive behavior or be taken advantage of.